


An Accidental Epiphany

by Carolus



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Brief mention of unrequited Isak/Jonas, Canon Compliant, F/M, Light Angst, M/M, Oral Sex, Porn With Plot, Porn as a plot device, S1!Isak, Self-Discovery, The bathroom video from Isak's phone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-10 21:15:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12307938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carolus/pseuds/Carolus
Summary: The thing is, it’s not a matter of if as much as it is a matter of when Jonas will bring up sex in their conversation. Over the last three years his best friend had taken an increased interest in the opposite sex, and by now it seems like girls are the only thing worth talking about. First, it was all about Ingrid and her sexual prowess in bed, and now it’s all about Eva or comparing the two. Which is what brings Isak to Pornhub in the middle of the night with his mum and dad sound asleep in their bedroom downstairs.AKA the Isak Self-Discovery fic I really wanted to read but had to write myself.





	An Accidental Epiphany

**Author's Note:**

> For those curious about the F/M tagging, it's Isak watching video with straight-porn. I felt like I needed to include the tag. The only actual pairing is Evak though. 
> 
> This is my first fic ever, so there's that. Inever really thought that I'd ever write fanfiction, but then I really REALLY wanted a fic to compliment my hc that Isak haven't always known that he's gay, but rather that it was something he discovered at some point. But since nobody else seemed to write the fic I wanted, I realised that I would have to write it myself.
> 
> A massive shoutout to my two betas Fxckxxp and Julieseven for taking their time to go through my work and correct all my mistakes. Without you the end result wouldn't have been half as good!

**15\. September 2015**

The tacky dark layout of pornhub on his computer screen lights up Isak’s bedroom. The six featured thumbnails under the ‘Hot Porn Videos in Norway’ all show blonde, vaguely similar looking girls with morally dubious titles such as ‘ _Helpful Step Sister Will Do Anything For Her Brother_ ’ and  _‘Stepmom’s Secret - Promise Me Don’t Tell, This Is Our Little Secret_ ’. He wrinkles his nose particularly at the latter. Didn’t he just read in Dagbladet that sexually abuse relatives would use those exact same words when taking advantage of children? For a second he considers closing the window and giving up, but remembers what a virgin he felt like when talking to Jonas earlier today, and how he promised himself to never feel that clueless again. With newfound determination Isak moves the cursor up to the search bar at the top of the page and types in ‘doggy-style’, hoping that the results will give him the closest thing to experience he can get for the next time Jonas brings up sex  in their conversations.

The thing is, it’s not a matter of  _if_ as much as it is a matter of  _when_ Jonas will bring up sex in their conversation. Over the last three years his best friend had taken an increased interest in the opposite sex, and by now it seems like girls are the only thing worth talking about. First, it was all about Ingrid and her sexual prowess in bed, and now it’s all about Eva or comparing the two. Which is what brings Isak to Pornhub in the middle of the night with his mum and dad sound asleep in their bedroom downstairs.

The thing is, Isak doesn’t really mind Jonas talking about girls all the time, because Jonas is an amazing speaker and nothing he ever says can be boring. But while Isak can easily agree and take to heart Jonas’s rants about capitalism and poverty, he can’t really relate to the big interest in girls. Sure, many of them are pretty and nice—Eva especially. But he doesn’t go around all day thinking about dating and having sex with them the way Jonas does. If Isak is completely honest with himself, he doesn’t really think of them that much at all. Even during his short relationship with Sara earlier this year, Isak didn’t really think that much about her. He spent time with her because it was something to do and because Jonas approved. When she broke up with him, he had to admit that he probably didn’t mind as much as he should. So when Jonas started talking about how Eva preferred doggy-style over missionary, and thus was the complete opposite of Ingrid, he might as well have been talking about quantum mechanics for all Isak knew (which wasn’t completely true, because Isak actually understood the basics of quantum mechanics). The only thing he felt was a vague discomfort over how openly Jonas talked about the private matters of Ingrid and Eva. Not wanting to seem like the uneducated virgin that he was, Isak had managed to bullshit his way through an answer that made it seem like he knew what he was talking about and made a mental note to do some research later.

Which was what brought him here, scrolling through thumbnail after thumbnail of naked men and women in various acts of intercourse. Not knowing what to look for except that they all were supposed to feature doggy-style (and has he mentioned what a weird name for something that is?). He clicks on the third video down with a thumbnail showing a man from behind thrusting into a woman hidden from the camera.

Unsurprisingly, the video starts with some kind of half-hearted attempt at an intro with the two actors meeting at a house party. They seem to get on well, because half a minute of what can barely be called flirty banter later, she stands up and he follows her. The scene cuts to the two now standing in what must be the host’s bedroom, and Isak gives the video half a point for the realistic setting. Then things suddenly seems to happen very quickly. The guy rips open the woman’s pink shirt, making buttons fly everywhere, and drags both her skirt and panties down to pool at her feet. With that out of his way, he pushes the woman backwards. Not onto the perfectly usable bed right next to them, but down to the rug covered floor so that her knees makes a dull thud on impact. With the camera focusing on the kneeling woman, the man starts to undress himself. The footage of him is pretty blurry, but Isak can still make out an impressive treasure trail complementing the perfect V of his hips. He attributes the observation down to jealousy; the man must be a chick-magnet.

With clothes no longer being in the way, the guy kneels down behind the woman. Here he finally seems to realise that he forgot to take her bra off, and instead of using the clasps on the back which his position gives him perfect access to, he yet again uses brute strength to tear the poor item apart, biceps and triceps bulging with the effort. After this display of alpha male behaviour, he buries his cock deep into the girl whilst holding onto her hips, making her let out an impressive, long, and drawn-out moan. The moaning continues, now accompanied by a deep grunt from the guy every time he slams his cock back into the girl. There’s heavy breathing from both of them. The girl in the video has rather large breasts, and with each thrust they slap back onto her chest with a rather uncomfortable sound. Isak isn’t sure why the sound editors would chose a track which does nothing to hide this sound, but at least he now understands what Eva meant when she said bras aren’t a luxury item—but a necessity, and that the prices for them are outrageous. Based on the fact that he is thinking more about the potential rug burn on their knees and the prices of bras rather than the actual fucking part, Isak decides that doggy-style probably isn’t something he’d like to try with a girl. Why make what seems like a rather mediocre experience even worse by scraping your knees when you have the option of using a bed? Still, he’s only ten minutes into a 21 minute long video, so anything can happen he supposes.

After staring at the girl for a couple of minutes, Isak decides to move his attention to the guy instead. After all, when he’s going to have sex he’s gonna be in that position, so it just makes sense for him to pay more attention there so that he’ll know what to do, right?  

The guy is rather big, and every time the video cuts to filming from behind Isak gets a view of the way his back muscles contract under the activity. Isak follows the path of a sweat droplet all the way down his spine before it reaches the crack of the man’s well-defined ass. Eyes lingering on where the droplet disappeared, Isak absently notices how arousal starts to stir in his gut, lifting his cock to half mast. He lifts the laptop away from his chest in order to look at the small tent in his boxers, and therefore misses the grand finale where both the man and the woman climax, their synchronised screams in his headset telling him what’s happened. Still looking down whilst pondering whether he should put a hand beneath his waistband or not, Isak misses that the page automatically switches to a new video.

However, he jumps when the slam of a door rings through his headset, making him look up at the computer screen again.

The new video takes place in a bathroom, and so far there’s only one guy in there with a visible boner showing through his pants. He’s got dark brown hair in a stylish cut, and his face shows that he’s somewhat younger than the actor from the previous video—perhaps college-aged. Curious now, Isak decides to leave his cock alone and rolls over on his stomach to watch the video comfortably with the laptop on the bed in front of him.

After a couple of minutes of the guy stroking himself through his trousers, there is a precautionary knock on the door before it opens slightly. Apparently having found the right bathroom stall, the person on the other side slips in, and Isak is surprised to see it’s another guy and not a girl like he expects.

This boy is also college-aged, and he’s wearing a flannel shirt (which makes Isak think of Jonas). He quickly wills that thought away, because based on the lack of space for a third person in the bathroom stall and no girl in sight, Isak has an idea what this video is about. He should click out of it because this definitely isn’t something for him, but for some reason he can’t quite explain, he doesn’t.

Much like the previous video, this one doesn’t have much going on for it in terms of good dialogue or acting skills. There seems to be a story about the two of them being fuckbuddies, and one of them seems to be named Markus, but it’s clear that the production team didn’t budget much for a good screenwriter. However, Isak still finds himself hanging onto every word, eyes roaming everywhere in order to get all the details in—from the slurs written on the bathroom wall, to the way Markus is now slowly stroking himself through his jeans.

Then flannel shirt sinks down to his knees, face aligning with Markus’s crotch. The camera angle switches to a shot from above so that Isak gets a full view of flannel shirt guy opening the zipper with his teeth. Without the tight denim fabric pushing down on it, Markus’s erection is even more visible as it’s straining against his red Björn Borg boxers. Flannel shirt guy licks a stripe over the clothed member, making the already present wet spot even wetter. Isak should  _really_ click out of this video right now, because if he goes through with this there is no way back. But all rational thoughts seems to have left his brain, so all he can do is stare at the screen in awe—barely noticing that his own cock is now fully hard and pushing against his stomach and the mattress.

Markus is panting now, begging for flannel shirt guy to quit fooling around and get on with it. Flannel gives him a cheeky grin but seems to take pity on him as he drags his boxers down, freeing him. Isak’s breath hitches when Markus’s cock comes into view, but it’s more or less drowned under the sound of Markus’s hoarse moan.

Flannel starts slow, small licks covering the length from base to tip. Once his tongue has travelled all the way up, he ends the journey by dipping it into the slit of the head—and Isak has never seen anything more arousing. It must feel like torture though, because Markus is making nearly non-stop wounded noises—only interrupted by a gasp now and then. If Isak wasn’t so caught up in Flannel’s tongue himself, he’d feel sorry for him—but as it is he’s finally realised why sound editors leave all the sounds in the video, because Markus’ noises are the best possible soundtrack to accompany Flannel’s actions. Flannel seems to enjoy tormenting him, because he manages to grin as he goes on, stopping now and then in order to whisper filthy promises which only makes Markus’ moans grow louder.

Finally, Flannel seems to take pity on Markus and starts sucking him with promise. He goes a little too fast in the beginning and ends up choking a bit, but in Isak’s opinion, that makes it hotter— because his eagerness to please is way more arousing than any technically perfect blowjob. Regardless of the sloppy start, he soon gets the hang of it—with the aid of Markus’s hands in his hair—he shows off some impressive deepthroating skills. Isak lets out a little whimper at the sight of Markus’s spit-slick cock slipping out between Flannel’s lips, and can only imagine what it would feel like to have that tight heat from another boy around himself.

When Markus’s whines turn into outright wailing—begging Flannel for release—Flannel finally decides to humour him. He pops his mouth off of Markus’s dick and moves up to give him a sloppy kiss while shoving one of his hands down Markus’s boxers so that what his fingers are doing in between his legs can’t be seen by the camera. Whatever it is must be very effective, because it only takes a few seconds more of it before Markus is turning his head away from the kiss and coming—white stripes painting his still clothed stomach.

The sight of Markus’s blissful face and spent cock is too much for Isak, and he feels his own orgasm rush through his body, which leaves his boxers wet and sticky. Sure, he’s jacked off before, but never has the resulting pleasure been this overwhelming—efficiently deleting every other thought he might have had from his head.

Still slightly dazed, he pauses the video, and that’s when the full extent of these past few minutes washes over him. What he’s just done and what it entails for his whole being. How in just a few minutes his fundamental understanding of himself is torn apart, burnt into ashes. There is nothing he can do as his whole perception of himself crumbles, rearranging in order to make space for a newly discovered truth he knows he will never be able to fully deny.

He slams his computer shut without closing down the page—can’t even look at the screen long enough to find the red x in the right corner. Right now, he can’t bear the thought of what this all entails. What it represents. All he can do now is put his laptop on the floor and roll onto his back—staring at the corners of his ceiling with an empty feeling.

The next night he watches the video again, and his body reacts the same way as it did the first time.

He bookmarks the page after that.

 

**15\. September 2017**

They’re lying in  _their_ bed in  _their_ flat (Isak can still barely believe it). Isak is resting his head on his  _boyfriend’s_ chest, listening to Even ramble on about this video he wants to show him—fingers flying over the keyboard on Isak’s computer. However, just as he’s about to click on the link that autofills in the browser’s search bar,, his fingers slip and he ends up clicking on one of the bookmarked tabs. Isak can only watch in horror as a page he hasn’t dared open in over a year comes into view, showing both him and Even the video which changed everything

Numb with shock Isak only stares, unable to take action and shut down the page. In the corners of his eyes he’s vaguely aware of Even also looking at the video with intrigue. Flannel (Isak learned his name was Adrian after the fifth rewatch, but secretly and ashamedly sometimes thought of him as Jonas) still has impressive blowjob skills, but Isak is glad to see that the video doesn’t have the same strong effect on him as it used to do. That would just have been too much. Not that the video popping up alone isn’t enough for Isak to wish a hole would appear and swallow him whole, never to be seen again.

The video isn’t very long, 5 minutes or so, so before Isak has time to retrieve control over his frozen body it’s over and Even’s seen all. The video that was once his biggest secret—a guilty pleasure he had hoped nobody would ever discover—the burning bush that would incite Isak’s epiphany.

When the video is over, Even turns towards Isak, face lit up in poorly-contained glee. The expression is quickly replaced with a worried frown though when he sees Isak’s stricken face.

“Hey, are you alright baby?” Even asks—a hint of worry in his voice. With no reply from Isak, he continues. “You know that it’s completely alright to watch porn, yeah?”

Isak nods and takes a shuddering breath. “I know, it’s just that... _thiswasthevideowhichmademerealiseilikeboys,”_ he rushes out in one breath.

“I didn’t quite get that baby, could you repeat it—a bit slower perhaps?” Even has started stroking his finger through Isak’s hair, probably in an attempt to make him relax. It helps a little.

Isak takes a deep breath before giving it a new attempt. “This video. It was the video which made me realise I like boys. I found it two years ago when trying to figure out what was the big deal with sex and why Jonas always talked about it.”

“Oh. I don’t know what to say… I guess it must have been a difficult thing to swallow for you.”

Isak has alluded to his struggles with his sexuality before, so it’s not surprising that Even’s reached that conclusion. It doesn’t keep Isak’s breath from hitching again though. “Yeah,” he mumbles. He doesn’t want to talk more about this, doesn’t want to relive the memories of how horrible those two years in the closet had felt. How it felt like he was choking on all the shame and self-disgust.

Even seems to pick up on this, because he doesn’t say anything more, just keeps stroking through Isak’s hair in soothing gestures. With each stroke Isak can feel himself relax a tiny bit more—cold stiffness slowly leaking out of his limbs to be replaced by the warm feeling of calmness. Even leans down and kisses his cheek.

“As much as it pains me to know what you went through, baby, I’m still grateful you made that discovery. Because otherwise I wouldn’t get to have you like this.”

Isak nods. He searches for Even’s other hand with his own, and when he finds it, he braids their fingers together.

“I’m grateful for that too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I really appreciate comments! Please tell me what you thought and it will be better than any kudos.


End file.
